"Hopefully one day I will find a special place that, with some imagination on my part, will be able to evoke in me that same feeling of serenity." [9/8/06]

This might be the place! Maybe I'll go there when I come back next August, if it's not too expensive.

On a side note, my left arm is now aching from the flu vaccine I got after work just now. Last year I actually thought this was a weird phenomenon until another friend who also got the shot confirmed she was feeling the same.

And today a colleague asked me when I'd be flying and then asked, 'Ey, so do you feel as if we're tying you down?' (Referring to me getting less than a week's time to rest and pack up before I fly next Friday.) Aww so sweet, how could I have the heart to say yes? Haha hmm... it's a bit weird to read the previous sentence cos the person asking me is probably older or as old as my mum! Using sweet in her case is a bit odd. But you know what I mean la.

Recently the residents in my block, and in the three blocks sharing the same number as mine, have been complaining about flats in the lower floors being leased, mostly to foreign workers. Somehow I can't help but feel that they're making a mountain out of a molehill.

They say it's unsafe, but instead I feel it's unfair of them to accuse the tenants based solely on the fact that they're foreign. Or, more accurately, that they're foreigners from asian countries. I doubt they'll be complaining if the tenants were from other countries. That's blatant discrimination! Coming from educated people, no less. What a disappointment that Singapore is said to be a progressive, multi-racial, multi-cultural, cosmopolitan country, and yet there are still Singaporeans who stereotype asian foreign workers as inferior beings, capable of crime.

I think if they're really so fond of complaining, the time could be better spent complaining about the students from the school right next to our blocks who often loiter in the corridors after school, hanging around and smoking, littering the floor with cigarette stubs. When some shoes belonging to my family (including a pair of mine) placed outside our flat were stolen last year, they were high on my suspect list. Or should I say they were the only ones on my suspect list? Now we only put footwear unworthy of their attention outside the flat. Anyway, enough digression...

Another thing the residents complained about was that by leasing flats to these tenants, the value of the flats in these blocks will surely fall. I don't disagree; this is a fact. And I only agree that the value will fall because the empty flats in the blocks are being leased (as opposed to sold), not because there are foreigners now living in the flats. I'm disgruntled that Singaporeans are so 爱面子 [literally: 'love face'] that they are actually bothered that their flat values will fall. I mean, ok, if they are looking to sell their flat, then they are really affected by this and it's just too bad I guess. But how many people actually bought flats in this area as a form of investment, as opposed to as a place to stay?

I think most people who bought flats here meant to be staying here for some time to come. People in the property market would know better than to invest in flats in such an 'unwanted' estate like mine. In any case, the value of the flats in this area has always been low low low, because nobody was ever interested in this area anyway. Which is why so many of the flats have been empty, leading to some newly (or, used-to-be-newly a few years ago) built flats nearby to remain closed to the public and not-for-sale. Finally, it's led to the flats in the lower floors of our blocks being leased in an attempt to fill up more flats.

Just my random thoughts on the complaining residents, I just thought it's not such a big deal that some tenants are now living in our blocks. Accusing others based on their nationality is plain disgraceful and surely some flats being leased is not going to cause the value of the flats to drop that much lower? (I must highlight that I have absolutely no idea of property values and what not.)

It's my last week at work, and I'm not going to say it feels like I just started work yesterday because it really doesn't. In fact, I've had quite enough and I'm sick of going to work only to be doing almost nothing for half of the day. At times I wish I had chosen to slack for the whole holidays, like some friend who said, 'It's my holidays, I should relax and do whatever I want.' Hmm ya... but that would mean I would probably be using money out of my savings and not adding a single cent to it.

Actually, I was quite surprised that my teacher could identify with and supported the idea of slacking during holidays, when we met up two weeks ago. She felt that most people think that studying music is a soft option, because to them music is a form of recreation. They don't realise that when we are really absorbed in our work or practices, it gets intense.

Ugh... ok, I must say that sometimes I'm don't concentrate enough during practices. But I admit that my mind tends to wander off quite often when I'm with friends, and I'll be thinking about some passage in a piece, or what some author wrote about something. Not that I find my friends boring, but the brain just wanders off by itself. Once, a person I had just known for a few weeks observed, 'You can really just sit there listening to us for the whole day and not need to say a single word, right?' Haha I think she was mildly surprised, maybe because she's more talkative. But people who know me get used to it anyway.

I think I've spent this holiday quite unproductively slacking- and practising-wise. I haven't spent enough time doing both! Guess I still have September in Birmingham, where I'll probably have less distractions, to get more practising in. That's if I'm not too busy unpacking/moving into the house and looking for a job. Actually I'm wondering if the practice block will be inaccessible until nearer the start of term. Or maybe I'll be able to get in if I register my card with the department secretary, hopefully.

I was thinking of resigning earlier than the agreed period of service, but was hesitant cos they do seem quite busy nowadays. But the problem is, there is only this amount of work that they give me. I can't help feeling irritated that I'm wasting time sitting in the office doing nothing when maybe, I could have worked a few packed days a week and spent the rest of the days doing things I'd rather be doing instead.

Now that I finally made up my mind, hardened my heart and asked to resign, they asked me whether I can stay longer and what could I say? I agreed. I guess I should have stood firm. Sigh. Well, I could say it's because she just pointed out that there are some things I haven't completed, but I can swear she never told me to do those things in the first place! I may be a great procrastinator when it comes to my own stuff, but I never procrastinate at work, I've always been doing whatever I'm told to do right after I'm told to do it. I mean, what else can you do at work that will make you procrastinate? She just told me to do something else in addition to what I've already done, but conveniently used it as an excuse to imply that I haven't tied up the ends.

I think I will only ever take up another administration job if it's just a temporary job during my holidays, or if I'm really jobless and desperate to earn money. Er, the previous sentence shall not apply to Birmingham, because I'll only be too happy to find a job there. Hmm, ok so it does apply since this falls under the last category I guess.

Ok, rant over.

Not all is bad about this job, really. The people have all been really nice and they are helpful when I dunno where to get stuff. They are really neck-deep in their work; quite a lot of them stay in the office till later than 10pm, and come into the office some two hours earlier than starting time, to get their work done. Yet they remain dedicated and hardworking, albeit complaining once in a while. But hey, they're entitled to it after all the time they've sacrificed for the company. I respect those people who are so devoted to their job. Hmm yeah, I guess sometimes I get very irritated with that certain her, who will claim I haven't done what she's told me to even though she didn't tell me to do it in the first place. But at other times she's perfectly friendly and cheerful; most people I've gotten to know in the office says it all depends on her mood, so I try not to be too bothered by her anyway.

To think that I've been dreaming of slacking, relaxing, bumming around (as my piano teacher put it) for the remainder of my holidays... oh well. I'll be looking forward to the next summer holidays! Hehe a bit too early for that ya, I should be looking forward to the December holidays. But I'm looking forward to next August (cos I'm only planning to be back for a month), when I'm just going to sit around, go out, do nothing, for the whole month. Yeah! Feeling just a tad more cheerful again...

[*Edit: It's settled, I'll be stopping work next Friday instead of my intended this Friday. Well, not too bad, I'll still get to relax for a week before I leave.]

Wow time really flies. It feels like I've only been back for a short while but I only have two posts since I got back. Blame it on the job, haha. I just feel like slacking for the rest of the day when I get home, and it's the same for weekends.

But despite the work, I'm happy to be back. Really! Although I didn't miss home or have any cravings while I was in Birmingham, now that I'm back I start to crave all the food and sometimes I get tiny bouts of nostalgia when I think of going back to Birmingham in September. But at the same time I'm so excited about living in a new place with new people, having new modules and classmates next year! Oh ya, and worrying about getting a job... that's the important thing. It's very weird to have conflicted feelings...

Other than working and slacking, I've been trying to exercise (aka lose the weight I put on in Birmingham!!!)... I've been swimming on Saturdays and Sundays, and running once a week (most weeks :P). Quite hardworking, right? But I still haven't exactly reduced myself into what I used to be. Well, nevermind. Just a little improvement is still a small step forward.

Now I just have to make sure I finish ripping all the CDs into the external hard disk before I leave, or I'd have lugged them back for nothing. Why was I so stupid to have even lugged them there in the first place? Sigh...

[*21/08/06: Back-dated entry. Wrote this some time ago but 'never found time' to post it.]

After watching the first video during the national day parade, I didn't know whether to be sad that we actually have to write variations on the soundtrack from Lord of the Rings, or happy that we are actually brave enough to so blatantly use the movie's soundtrack.

I know it's really hard to write cliche, cheesy, 'grand/majestic/herioc' music like that without feeling disgusted by your own work, so it might have been easier to use someone else's work and still feel disgusted that you actually did that.
But it still feels wrong somehow. What happened to telling us to be creative and original? And telling us to use our own words when answering comprehension questions instead of copying from the passage itself? Er... ok, I guess we just end up paraphrasing the passages anyway.

I think I could accept something that sounds somewhat similar or familiar, but not something like this where the tune and harmony of the original soundtrack are almost completely preserved, other than a countermelody (which is then played as the foreground and hence becoming the melody) written above them.

[*21/08/06: Back-dated entry. I am Singaporean meme started by mrbrown. After my brother suggested I could do one too I've been thinking about it on and off... and even when I finally wrote it I never posted it.]

I love 'classical' music, dating back to the middle ages, by composers all over the world.

My nickname in junior college was Debussy, after the French composer whose music I was madly in love with then.

I'm studying music in England, something I most wanted to do since I was 17. I am really grateful to my parents and aunt, without whom I would never have had the opportunity to do so.

I love the wide open spaces in England, and I hope I can make use of this opportunity to do some rambling in the countryside someday.

I wish there were such landscapes in Singapore, but I understand that she's just too small. Hopefully one day I will find a special place that, with some imagination on my part, will be able to evoke in me that same feeling of serenity. And if that fails, I can still make short trips to scenic spots in the region (when I have money).

I'd love to live in a little cottage in the countryside, or even just a house in the suburbs or city. But I wouldn't be able to afford either. Neither will I stay in England after I graduate, because I plan to return to Singapore and start working to repay the huge sums of money I'd have spent by then.

I dream of living in my own house (ok, flat), where I can have some space to myself and set up a studio where I can lock myself in with the piano, and perhaps teach. But I know I wouldn't be able to afford a private apartment, no matter how small it is. Maybe, just hopefully, I might be able to purchase a 2 or 3-room HDB flat when I turn 35.

I once entertained thoughts of staying in England after I graduate, not concerned about whatever kind of jobs I might have to take on to eke a living there. But I no longer hold on to this idea. I think it will be much easier for me to find a job in Singapore, after having tried so hard to find one during my first year in Birmingham, although there might be a wider range of jobs in the music field abroad.

In the end, it's my family, friends, memories, and maybe the future, that keep me here in Singapore.

My name is Jessica.

And I am Singaporean.